My Nurtured Heart 1: Happy Heart

[caption id="attachment_260" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Goodies brought by my mom from her trip to the U.S. Notching Up is the book at the upper right hand corner, beside Cinderella Ate My Daughter"][/caption]

I'm back after a hiatus from the blogosphere and now I'm ready to type away!

I'm adding a new category in my blog:  My Nurtured Heart Diary which will chronicle my journey on applying the Nurtured Heart Approach in the classroom (I'm a teacher by profession) and at home.

On her first trip to the United States last April, my mom attended a seminar entitled Empathic Therapy.  One topic of the seminar was how to deal with children with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) without prescribing medication.  In the recent years, ADHD has been the buzz word in schools the world over and "identifying" the problem has helped a lot, and yet it has put a great number of children under needless medication.  Although the pills (Ritalin, etc.) may have subdued the hyperactivity of children diagnosed with ADHD, this recourse did not help in getting to the bottom of the problem.

My mom, who is also my boss, assigned me to read "Notching Up the Nurtured Heart Approach", a book lovingly written by one of the speakers in the Empathic Therapy Conference.  Howard Glasser, the executive director of Children's Success Foundation (Tucson, AZ) and the author of the book, is the forerunner of the Nurtured Heart Approach.

In his book, "Notching Up the Nurtured Heart Approach", he shares how educators and parents can successfully handle difficult children without the need to drug them.  To read the words "difficult children" is different from dealing with them first hand.  Having been teaching for 17 years, handling little children is not always a party.  There will be bad days and that's the reality.  What's more, as people with personal lives, it's hard to be up and about and cheerful at all times in the classroom... Now put together the business of hoping to bring up happy, responsible children who love to learn (what your curriculum has prepared) within the hours, days, weeks and months that you are in their company and the business of building a happy, successful, healthy and prosperous life for yourself.  Tall order, don't you think?

Based on his experience as a difficult child, himself, Howard Glasser has deconstructed how the difficult child's mind works:  children are reinforced by energy.  What you give energy to, the child maximizes.  As well-meaning parents and teachers, we are quick to correct, with the proverbial stern voice and glare, and we wonder why after numerous attempts at pointing out their mistakes and giving alternatives, children continue their misconducts.  Howard points out that children unwittingly repeat the mistakes that we so abhor because at the subconscious level, they know that acting-out is the surest way to get our attention.  With this in mind, Howard teaches us (among many other things) that there are 3 Stands we must take if we are to detour from the path of negativity:

• Stand 1:  Say "no" to negativity.  In my own words, IGNORE the child's misbehavior.  (Howard clearly states though, that SAFETY SHOULD SUPERSEDE THIS STAND.  I couldn't agree more.)


• Stand 2:  Say "yes" to positivity.  Energize what the children do right.  (verbally describe what children did right).


• Stand 3: Clearly enforce limits (but do not nag or be too energetic in setting rules.)

What I loved about the book was that although it challenges primitive yet culturally conditioned modes of discipline and dealing with difficult situations and children, it "notches" up on what we have learned in the college of education (I'm sure as teachers, we have all heard of the term "positive reinforcement").

Although positive reinforcement and transactional analysis (I'm OK, You're OK) have been around for decades, a new way of looking at these positively healthy intentional methods of relating with human beings and importantly, with children, will always be welcome.  Howard Glasser's work is a loving testimony of the capacity of the human heart to rise above childhood difficulties (as he has often stated in the book) and turn those adversities into a gem that touches one's heart enough to stir us to action.

As a teacher and a mother, the first phase of implementing the NHA (Nurtured Heart Approach) is to use the approach on oneself.  Saying "NO" to the negative in one's personal life, with all its shades of grey, is the hardest thing to do.  Energizing what is good and saying "YES" to the things we do right challenges our old ways of thinking (pointing out our good side makes us puffed up and self-important, etc.).  Yet, with the rigorous discipline that M. Scott Peck exhorts all of us who want to put love into action (Love is as love does.), applying the NHA day in and day out, despite stumbling every now and then, is a testimony of our love and hope in humanity... And then I believe, if I do these things, my intentions, my loving prayers will go out to the children in my care.  And most of all, to my son and me.

Thank you, Howard Glasser! Thank you, Universe! Thank you, God! Thank you, my Students! Thank you, Mom! Thank you, Son! ... for helping me nurture my own heart.

Check out Howard Glasser's books here.  They will make a grrreaaat addition to your psychology, parenting and education books.